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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Dreams about my ex-boyfriend	Maria	Thursday, June 17, 2010
Question: Thank you for your site. It has been very educational for me. So here's my issue: I have been having dreams about my ex-boyfriend, mainly over the last three or four years but off and on during my six years of marriage. This is disconcerting because I am a happily married woman. My husband is a good man. He and I are both Catholic, and we take our faith seriously. My ex-boyfriend is a good man, too; he isn't Catholic, but he is a Christian. He is also happily married to a very nice lady. I have no residual feelings for my ex-boyfriend, other than that of general goodwill and past friendship. We dated in high school (many years ago :) ), and we were never involved sexually, if that has any bearing on this. We parted as friends, and we have only talked a handful of times since then. Our families are friends, however. I began having these dreams not long after my marriage; he had been married about 2 years at that point. They're usually not sexual, but they are romantic, as if I were still in love with him. Sometimes I'm marrying him. A few have been...worse. I usually wake up in a cold sweat with a racing heartbeat and general feeling of horror from these dreams, regardless of content. I am a faithful wife; this isn't what I want! My ex-boyfriend is in the military, as is my husband. So I began praying for his safety when I have these dreams and that he would return safely to his family. The dreams have become less frequent since I started this practice. I found out later from his grandmother that he was deployed during the times that I was dreaming. But here's my question: how should I take this? Is it coincidence, God-given or demonic? Is there a way I can test it? My violent reactions to the dreams and the fact that they have become much more rare after I began praying for him made me wonder. Thank you!
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM Dear Maria: Dreams are usually the brain's creative way to deal with anxieties, worries, problems, joys, sorrows, emotions, and needs we have in our waking life. We have to be very careful in interpreting dreams. For example, one interpretation could be that you are not feeling enough romance in your married life. In your dreams your brain uses the memories of your ex-boyfriend to represent a more romantic scene (this is regardless of whether or not he was actually romantic). This, of course, means that perhaps there is not enough romance in your marriage. Or that you find marriage to be more restrictive and not as exciting as being single. (these feelings, by the way, are rather common among married couples at least once in their married lives). The problem with these interpretations is that they can be completely wrong. Having these dreams, however, does not mean that you are pining for your ex-boyfriend, or still love him, or wish that you had married him. Rather, the brain simply uses the material available in your memory banks to create a dream scenario. You could have just as easily dreamed a romance with Winnie-the-Pooh. All these things are symbols, and can be random with no direct significance to, for example, your ex-boyfriend, which is why dreams can be very bizarre and relate to things that seem to have little relevance to the theme of the dream. So, this dream of yours may have nothing whatsoever to do with your ex-boyfriend. The question I always ask of people who ask me what a dream means is: "What do you think it means?" The bottomline, however, is to take the dreams with a pinch of salt. Certainly do not put too much into its meaning. If you believe, however, there is a spiritual attack involved, which the waking in horror might suggest, then we have prayers in our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog that may be helpful, such as the "Prayer to Control Thoughts" and the "Bedtime Prayer of Protection." Other prayers, such as the Hedge Prayer of Protection, and any other prayers in the Catalog that you find helpful, can be prayed. Praying for your ex-boyfriend is certainly a good thing to do. I have serious doubts, however, that these dreams are from God to inspire you to pray for him depending on what you mean by "horror." God usually does not inspire people through feelings of "horror". However, if the feeling of horror is about your ex-boyfriend being in danger, in harm's way, in which he might be killed, then it is possible that God is using the dream to inspire you to pray for him. On the other hand, the devil could be inspiring these dreams, which coincide with your ex-boyfriend's deployment, as a way to seduce you into non-Christian dream-interpretation and more specifically, into divination (which is a grave sin). Which is happening -- some normal dream issue, a spiritual attack, an inspiration from the devil, or an inspiration from God -- depends upon all of possibilities and details, especially the specific nature of the feeling of horror. But, again, I would not obsess on this and not allow this to tempt you into getting involved in dream interpretation and/or divination. If these dreams have lead you to pray for the safety of your ex-boyfriend, perhaps it is best to just accept that continue to pray for him. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Dreams about my ex-boyfriend

Maria

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Question:

Thank you for your site. It has been very educational for me.

So here's my issue: I have been having dreams about my ex-boyfriend, mainly over the last three or four years but off and on during my six years of marriage.

This is disconcerting because I am a happily married woman. My husband is a good man. He and I are both Catholic, and we take our faith seriously. My ex-boyfriend is a good man, too; he isn't Catholic, but he is a Christian. He is also happily married to a very nice lady.

I have no residual feelings for my ex-boyfriend, other than that of general goodwill and past friendship. We dated in high school (many years ago :) ), and we were never involved sexually, if that has any bearing on this. We parted as friends, and we have only talked a handful of times since then. Our families are friends, however.

I began having these dreams not long after my marriage; he had been married about 2 years at that point. They're usually not sexual, but they are romantic, as if I were still in love with him. Sometimes I'm marrying him. A few have been...worse. I usually wake up in a cold sweat with a racing heartbeat and general feeling of horror from these dreams, regardless of content. I am a faithful wife; this isn't what I want!

My ex-boyfriend is in the military, as is my husband. So I began praying for his safety when I have these dreams and that he would return safely to his family. The dreams have become less frequent since I started this practice.

I found out later from his grandmother that he was deployed during the times that I was dreaming.

But here's my question: how should I take this? Is it coincidence, God-given or demonic? Is there a way I can test it? My violent reactions to the dreams and the fact that they have become much more rare after I began praying for him made me wonder.

Thank you!

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

Dear Maria:

Dreams are usually the brain's creative way to deal with anxieties, worries, problems, joys, sorrows, emotions, and needs we have in our waking life.

We have to be very careful in interpreting dreams. For example, one interpretation could be that you are not feeling enough romance in your married life. In your dreams your brain uses the memories of your ex-boyfriend to represent a more romantic scene (this is regardless of whether or not he was actually romantic).

This, of course, means that perhaps there is not enough romance in your marriage. Or that you find marriage to be more restrictive and not as exciting as being single. (these feelings, by the way, are rather common among married couples at least once in their married lives).

The problem with these interpretations is that they can be completely wrong.

Having these dreams, however, does not mean that you are pining for your ex-boyfriend, or still love him, or wish that you had married him. Rather, the brain simply uses the material available in your memory banks to create a dream scenario. You could have just as easily dreamed a romance with Winnie-the-Pooh. All these things are symbols, and can be random with no direct significance to, for example, your ex-boyfriend, which is why dreams can be very bizarre and relate to things that seem to have little relevance to the theme of the dream.

So, this dream of yours may have nothing whatsoever to do with your ex-boyfriend.

The question I always ask of people who ask me what a dream means is: "What do you think it means?"

The bottomline, however, is to take the dreams with a pinch of salt. Certainly do not put too much into its meaning.

If you believe, however, there is a spiritual attack involved, which the waking in horror might suggest, then we have prayers in our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog that may be helpful, such as the "Prayer to Control Thoughts" and the "Bedtime Prayer of Protection."

Other prayers, such as the Hedge Prayer of Protection, and any other prayers in the Catalog that you find helpful, can be prayed.

Praying for your ex-boyfriend is certainly a good thing to do. I have serious doubts, however, that these dreams are from God to inspire you to pray for him depending on what you mean by "horror." God usually does not inspire people through feelings of "horror". However, if the feeling of horror is about your ex-boyfriend being in danger, in harm's way, in which he might be killed, then it is possible that God is using the dream to inspire you to pray for him.

On the other hand, the devil could be inspiring these dreams, which coincide with your ex-boyfriend's deployment, as a way to seduce you into non-Christian dream-interpretation and more specifically, into divination (which is a grave sin).

Which is happening -- some normal dream issue, a spiritual attack, an inspiration from the devil, or an inspiration from God -- depends upon all of possibilities and details, especially the specific nature of the feeling of horror.

But, again, I would not obsess on this and not allow this to tempt you into getting involved in dream interpretation and/or divination. If these dreams have lead you to pray for the safety of your ex-boyfriend, perhaps it is best to just accept that continue to pray for him.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.