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Question Title Posted By Question Date
praying in the chapel Katie Monday, July 4, 2011

Question:

Sometimes I go to the Eucharistic chapel to pray. For about the past two years I regularly see this woman who comes into pray. Through her public gestures of affection, this woman always shows us her love of God. I have never spoken to her, but for some reason, once she enters the room I feel extremely hostile. I don't feel this way about other people who come to the chapel.

I tried to figure out why I felt so hostile. To me she is rather flamboyant in her piety. I attribute some of this to the culture she comes from. I don't really have a problem with this because Americans are usually undemonstrative to a fault.

Still, when I am around her, I feel like her presence literally permeates the room and I can't even pray in my mind because of the "vibe" she introduces. I also feel like it becomes a contest of who will leave first. All of this is extremely annoying and hampers me spiritually because I literally feel like I can't control my hostility.

I start to think things like if she gives the impression of being so spiritual, why is there no unity between us, doesn't a holy person make you feel peace, wouldn't that kind of person's presence in a room be less pronounced and "apart" from others? Other things that enter my mind almost against my will are, wouldn't the effect of praying there mean a love of your neighbor and who are you to think only you have the connection?

I thought about this a bit more and wondered if she felt the same way about me. Then, I was thinking maybe she brings out some quality in me I usually don't see in myself, but all of this is only speculation. I also thought there might be some kind of demonic element to this for her to bring out so much hostility in me. What do you think?



Question Answered by

Dear Katie:

Your feelings have nothing whatsoever to do with this woman. For some reason she is bringing out, through no fault of her own, an ugliness in you, the ugliness of judgmentalism.

Why in God's name would you think these things or react in this way to this women to whom you have never spoken? The way she dresses? You said that she probably dresses in a way consistent with her cultural background. So what is the problem? Do you have a bias against that culture?

What are you doing noticing all this about this women in the first place? You are suppose to be there to worship God, not to judge others who come into the chapel. Keep your eyes on Jesus.

The devil is not doing this, you are. The devil, however, loves to hitchhike on problems that already exist. Thus, he will be happy to "egg you on" to make matters worse than they have to be. You need to check yourself before you end up in a bondage. That is what the devil is after. Do not let him succeed. Rebuke him if you feel compelled to think these sinful thoughts. Ask God to help you to rebuke and cast out these thoughts and to think only thoughts that are pleasing to God. St. Paul said that we are to "take captive every thought in obedience to Christ" (2 Cor 10:5b).

I suppose the reaction you have to this woman may also be a reaction by some people to me. I stand out in a crowd wearing a monastic habit, especially at 400 pounds. There are times when I lay prostrate on the floor before my Lord during Adoration. I suppose some would think that I think I am holier-than-thou by doing that, or showing off, or something. In fact, I notice no one in the chapel. I pray as the Spirit inspires me including sometimes laying prostrate on the floor. I lay prostrate because before my Lord how else should I be? He is the Lord and God of the universe, I am nothing. Most of the time I am alone in the Chapel when I do this thus no one but God sees me. But, I do not refuse to do it if someone else is in the chapel. If they think badly of me, they will have to stand before God to account for it. I will pray for them, but I will never be deterred by what others may think of me. I will do whatever the Spirit directs me to do.

I think you need to go to confession to confess the sin of judgmentalism.

The next time you are in Adoration, or Mass, keep your eyes on Jesus.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary


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