Dear Kevin,

I am sorry to hear that you are being tormented by these things from your past.  This is something that I think we all have to deal with to one degree or another.  None of us are perfect, and we've all made mistakes and seen or heard things that we wish we hadn't.

The reality is that you will probably never forget them.  While God certainly could erase things from our memory should He so choose, He doesn't seem to usually work that way.  Believe it or not, God can make those memories work to your good.  How do I know that?  Because God says so, and God is not a liar:  "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).  All of the things that you are referring to are covered under the "all" in "all things."

Here are a few practical things that you can do to start on the path of allowing God to cause these things to work for good:

1. Scripture teaches us that we are to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).  Therefore, when you find yourself beginning to ruminate on these things from your past, literally, either out loud or in your mind, say, "STOP.  I take this thought Captive and refuse to be mastered by it."  At that point, force yourself to think about something positive:  "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things" (Philippians 4:8)


2. Ask God to forgive you (go to confession if you are Catholic and have not already done so).  Once you have done so, work on forgiving yourself.  After all, who are you to NOT forgive yourself if the God of the universe has forgiven you?  If God forgives you, what right could you possibly have to not forgive yourself?


3. Pray that God allows you to be at peace with yourself and with what you have done and seen.  Pray that he causes these things to work together for your good.  Did you lie and steal?  Then thank Him for teaching you the value and importance of integrity and honesty.  Did you fornicate, watch pornography, masturbate, fantasize?  Then thank Him for teaching you the value of purity in mind, body and spirit.  You get the idea.


4. Finally, there may be a demonic element to all of this.  Satan loves to keep God's children beaten down so that he can incapacitate them from doing God's work.  If all you do is dwell on your past, you will not be able to work to build up God's kingdom.  Therefore, you may want to pay a visit to the prayer catalog (see the link below).  The hedge prayer and confession prayers would probably be of help.  Also, the Seven Steps to self deliverance may be helpful.  We have had reports from many people who performed the steps and have literally had their lives changed as a result.

I hope that this was helpful.

May God Bless you,

Joe Meineke