Dear Julia:

Well, I suppose you will not like what I will say here, but it is my duty to tell you the truth as I know it.

This is not real love. Love is not adulterous and that is what you are doing. You are "loving" and desiring a man who is already married and for which it is impossible for you to consummate. This is not true love. You are committing adultery in your heart.

Oh, you have the emotions of love, attraction, regard for him, etc., but those are emotions, not true love.

Read 1 Corinthians 13 for a definition of true love.  There is not one warm fuzzy feeling word in the bunch, or any emotion word in that definition. All the words used in that passage are verbs (actions). True Love is something you do, not really something you feel. Feelings can be an aspect of love, but feelings are more part of biology, brain chemistry, and psychology. Feelings may be the frosting on the cake, but it is not the cake.

If you notice the definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13, it says: "Love does not insist on its own way...it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right."

That is what you are doing. You are "insisting on your own way," that is, hanging on to a forbidden love that you know is sinful and impossible. While you may not think you are "rejoicing at wrong" since you are suffering over this, in a way you are rejoicing in the sense of indulgence. One of the synonyms for what the RSV-CE translates as "rejoice" is "indulgence." You are "indulging" yourself in this "love" rather than letting it go and in spite of its suffering consequences.

In any event, regardless of whether or not you agree with all that, the facts are that this man is unattainable, he is already married (to God), and your presence in proximity to him is risking your soul (and his).

Those are facts.

When thoughts of this priest come to your mind you must say, outloud if possible, "STOP! I reject these thoughts because they are not godly. Lord help me to have only thoughts pleasing to you." It is important to actually say the word "STOP". The Bible tells us to "make captive every thought in obedience to Christ."

You must start doing that.

Also, another helpful technique to deal with improper thoughts is to focus your thoughts  and energies on something else. If a thought of him comes to your mind, then divert your thoughts to something else, anything else -- watch the news on TV, do the dishes, vacuum the house, say a rosary, whatever. It usually takes only a few minutes of diversion to get past the improper thoughts. I call this technique, "keep passing open windows." Divert attention away from the open window (the temptation or improper thought) long enough to get past the window. If you don't do this you risk either jumping out of the window, or falling out.

Thus, you must do what is necessary to keep from going out the window, to protect your soul and his.

Ultimate;y, unless you can let go of this, then you must perform radical surgery. There is no choice at that point.

That radical surgery is that you are never to be alone with this priest again, you do not seek his counsel, you go to another priest for Confession, you do not work with this priest on any projects, attend Mass said by another priest, and if you cannot distance yourself from him, then you MUST leave the parish. How active you are in the parish and how many friends you have in the parish is utterly unimportant.

You are placing yourself in the near occasion of sin, or perhaps the actual sin of adultery in your heart,  and you could possibly be placing him in a position of temptation also. It is one thing to risk you own soul, but it is a form of attempted murder (killing of a soul) to endanger another person's soul.

If you distance yourself from him, then distance and time will allow your emotions to fade.

If you do not distance yourself from him then you will stand before God to account for your risky behavior and for any temptation you might have placed before this priest.

You really have no choice.

I can tell you what I would do if I was the priest in this situation and I found out about your feelings. I would talk to you about them in a public setting and if it was determined that you cannot let go of this, and there was no way to avoid each other, and you did not move from the parish as a result, then I would immediately ask the bishop for a transfer. There is no way I would allow my soul to be risked in this way.

Please do not be offended when I say this, but no woman is worth losing my soul. That that applies the other way around, too. No man is worth a women losing her soul.

Take care of your soul in whatever way necessary, even if that means leaving the parish.

We will be in prayer for you that you will make the decision you must make for the sake of your soul and that of the priest.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary